Former UST Growling Tigers team captain CJ Cansino admitted that he was filled with self-doubt after he was kicked out of the team earlier this week.
Speaking on fellow UST alumna Carmela Tunay's 'Anong Tunay' online program, Cansino was left wondering if he still had a future in basketball.
"The moment na sinabi sa aking, 'CJ, you're off the team,' naisip ko, may kukuha pa kaya sa akin? Heartbreak talaga lalo sa akin kasi 'di ko alam kung matutuloy pa yung pangarap kong maging basketball player," said Cansino.
Cansino was reportedly banished from the team after speaking on behalf of his teammates, as he was the skipper.
"'Yung tanong na pumasok sa isip ko, 'Bakit ganun? Bakit ang bilis naman nila mag-decision?' Hindi man lang nila ako nabigyan ng second chance para makabawi man lang at di ako tuluyang umalis," explained the guard.
Various posts on social media surfaced Friday implying that the team had been practicing in Sorsogon, coach Aldin Ayo's hometown.
When asked, Cansino neither confirmed nor denied the rumors that they were practicing inside a bubble-like atmosphere.
"Humihingi ako ng sorry sa mga tao na humihingi ng sagot na yun, dahil ayoko na magsalita. Respeto na lang sa UST at sa mga dating teammate ko, dahil kung alam kung sa akin manggaling yun alam kong masisira yung team, alam kong mangyayari sa UST. Sila na bahala na mag-confirm noon," Cansino explained.
However, Cansino did share that his mental health had taken a hit over the past few months.
"Inaatake ako ng anxiety, napansin ng family ko na pumapayat ako, kasi di ako makatulog. Nahihirapan ako matulog, nahihirapan ako kumain, wala akong gana. Sobrang hirap," recalled Cansino.
"Kung ano-ano talaga mararamdaman mo na ang akala mo mentally strong ka pero di pala talaga. Sobrang drained, exhausted na ako sa last three months," he added.
Now faced with a dilemma in facing the uncertain future, he started to entertain offers from various universities like Ateneo, FEU, Adamson and La Salle.
Ultimately, he ended up choosing the UP Fighting Maroons since Cansino believed that Diliman felt like home, evoking the same feelings he had in España. UP, on the other hand, got another blue-chip recruit in a stellar offseason.
"Para sa career ko rin ito e. Kung maghihintay pa ako kung may darating pa, dalawang taon ako magre-residency," he shared. "Isang taon yung masasayang so kinailangan kong mag-decide agad para sa career ko at sa family ko," bared Cansino.
Things moved so quickly for the 6'2 cager since classes were about to start and he had to make the cut for the university's Varsity Athletics Admission System. By the afternoon, he was already a Maroon.